Scared of being thin?

August 29, 2009

One of my old client weighed over 110 kilos. She hated it. She worked hard to lose the weight, and did. Yet every time she dropped to around 90kg, she suddenly rebounded and put all the weight back on. She did this several times, causing much frustration, anger, confusion and sadness.

It wasn’t utill a chance comment that we discovered the problem. Whenever she was approaching the 90 kg mark, her body fat had dropped to a level where her natural curves and muscles were beginning to show through. Because of that, she had to change her clothes and with the change of clothes came a very big change of looks.

This was all superb for her. Everyone around her was excited for her and complimented her on how good she looked. Including strange men.

And that was the problem, suddenly she was attracting a whole bunch of unwanted attention. And she only had one method to deal with and respond to that unwanted attention: Put the weight back on!

Once we realised this was the case, she quickly learnt new ways to deal with the unwanted attention, and next time she went through that 90kg mark and last I heard has kept it off.

This is just one of  many examples of how someone might be scared of being thin.

They don’t mean to be scared and they often they don’t even realise that this is a major factor in stopping them from losing the weight.

If you’re overweight, you interact with the world in a very different way than if you’re thin. And if you’ve been overweight for a long time, there is more things that you need to learn. Things that no one else can teach you.

One size fits all!

August 1, 2009

Have a look at the diet books, visit a gym, or just scan your local ads. You’ll notice that every single one of them offers a ‘one size fits all’ solution to your problem.

From the diet books, it’s a straight X number of calories per day by making these fantastic, tasty and healthy meals.

From the gym it’s an specific exercise regime that’ll get you fit and thin.

From any of the other ads, it’s not so much about you and your problems, but how their solution can fix your problems.

No one knows you better than yourself. Only you can know the best way to achieve the goals you want. You can get help from the diet books, gym and others, but only if you really know what you want. This relates to my last post and you being the only one that can make the change.

Of course, this now begs the question: How do I know what I want?

It’s a tough question to answer without knowing you, but there is a large portion of the Butterfly Transformation Program that focuses on helping you build, understand and discover the goals that are best for you.

P.S. Apologies for the pun in the title.

The last step of the exercise designed to teach you how a single word change can powerfully change your response to you keeping your diet or exercise program. Find Step 1step 2, and step 3.

Take the list from the last step (repeated below) and read them one line as a time as if your mother, your partner, your boss, your best friend, your children or someone else important in your life were saying them to you.

Notice how they make you feel as each one is said.

  1. You wish to Lose the weight.
  2. You would like to Lose the weight.
  3. You want to Lose the weight.
  4. You need to Lose the weight.
  5. You have to Lose the weight.
  6. You can Lose the weight.
  7. You must Lose the weight.
  8. You will Lose the weight.
  9. You am going to Lose the weight.
  10. You should Lose the weight.
  11. You don’t wish to Lose the weight.
  12. You wouldn’t like to Lose the weight.
  13. You don’t want to Lose the weight.
  14. You needn’t to Lose the weight.
  15. You haven’t Lost the weight.
  16. You can’t Lose the weight.
  17. You mustn’t Lose the weight.
  18. You will not Lose the weight.
  19. You’re not going to Lose the weight.
  20. You shouldn’t Lose the weight.

Do you hear these from those around you often? Do any of them make you angry, sad, depressed?

You might notice that some of these have no effect when you say them to yourself, but cause a massive emotional change when you imagine someone else saying them to you!

This time, not changing the words, but changing who says them can cause all kinds of changes!

Join the program if you want to learn how to change your responses!

One more step in the exercise that started here and continued here.

This time, read out the below list (a modified copy made from the last two) while you look at yourself in the mirror and say these sentences as if you were saying them to someone else.

  1. You wish to Lose the weight.
  2. You would like to Lose the weight.
  3. You want to Lose the weight.
  4. You need to Lose the weight.
  5. You have to Lose the weight.
  6. You can Lose the weight.
  7. You must Lose the weight.
  8. You will Lose the weight.
  9. You am going to Lose the weight.
  10. You should Lose the weight.
  11. You don’t wish to Lose the weight.
  12. You wouldn’t like to Lose the weight.
  13. You don’t want to Lose the weight.
  14. You needn’t to Lose the weight.
  15. You haven’t Lost the weight.
  16. You can’t Lose the weight.
  17. You mustn’t Lose the weight.
  18. You will not Lose the weight.
  19. You’re not going to Lose the weight.
  20. You shouldn’t Lose the weight.

Notice how saying them to someone else makes you feel. Were there any that were difficult to say? Were there any you say often, or hear often?

Following on from this earlier post, there are many more words that have powerful effects on your feelings and your results when trying to lose weight, stick with a diet or exercise program, or just to feel good.

All of these words revolve around a tiny little three letter word that causes horrific hardship, anguish and pain. That little word is ‘not’.

So, like the last post, say these sentences out loud and discover for yourself how each of them make you feel

  1. I don’t wish to Lose the weight.
  2. I wouldn’t like to Lose the weight.
  3. I don’t want to Lose the weight.
  4. I needn’t to Lose the weight.
  5. I haven’t Lost the weight.
  6. I can’t Lose the weight.
  7. I mustn’t Lose the weight.
  8. I will not Lose the weight.
  9. I’m not going to Lose the weight.
  10. I shouldn’t Lose the weight.

(If you want, feel free to exchange the phrase ‘Lose the weight’ with the goal of your choice.)

How do each of them make you feel as you say them out loud? Compare that with last weeks post. What are you saying to yourself or others that cause this much negative emotion?

If you’re part of the program, you’ll know that words are very important. Today I’m going to get you to do an experiment to discover how important different words are for you.

It’s easy, it’ll take you maybe a minute and yet teach you a powerful lesson that can help you lose weight, be fit and healthy.

Say this sentence out loud: “Lose the weight.”

Notice how that makes you feel. If you’re like most people, it won’t have too much feeling.

Now, say that same sentence, but this time begin with each line below, one at a time, and notice how they change how you feel.

  1. I wish to Lose the weight.
  2. I would like to Lose the weight.
  3. I want to Lose the weight.
  4. I need to Lose the weight.
  5. I have to Lose the weight.
  6. I can Lose the weight.
  7. I must Lose the weight.
  8. I will Lose the weight.
  9. I am going to Lose the weight.
  10. I should Lose the weight.

How does each of the 10 sentences make you feel as you say them out loud? Were some more compelling? Did some make you angry, or sad? Did some seem more or less real?

Isn’t it powerfully interesting that a single word change can have such a huge effect to your emotional response?

Which are the phrases or words that you most use youself when describing what you desire to other people? Which do you most use when saying things to yourself?

Which voice do you listen to?

September 23, 2008

Imagine you are having a conversation with two people. Both are your very good friends. You trust them both fully.

As you listen to them talking you hear the following:

Friend1: “You’re thin.”
Friend2: “You’re fat.”
Friend1: “You’ve pretty.”
Friend2: “You’re ugly.”
Friend1: “You’ve got great hair.”
Friend2: “You’ve got rubbish hair.”
Friend1: “You have great dress sense.”
Friend2: “Your dress sense is bad.”
Friend1: “You’re a good person.”
Friend2: “You’re a bad person.”

Which of these two is telling the truth? Who do you listen to more?

Now I know, if you had a friend like #2, you wouldn’t stay friends for very long. Yet many people I’ve worked with have internal voices that only speak this way. If you’re friends did this, you’d change friends fast – yet because it’s your own internal voice you keep it around.

It’s common that we listen to the one that tells us we’re fat, ugly etc. The other voices that tell us we are beautiful get ignored. When we do listen to these, what they say rings false – not because it is false, but because it’s what we don’t listen to often enough.

If you want to learn how to change these voices Join the Butterfly Transformation Program. You’ll learn how these voices effect you, where they come from and most importatly how to change them…

If you’re using the Butterfly Life Transformation program you’ll know how much faith I put on using willpower to achieve any habit change. In short – not much.

However there is some interesting research that shows, just like building a muscle, the more you use your willpower, the more it works. Although it does require our focused attention and constant vigilance to make it happen. There are better ways

You can read more of the research here.

Continuing on from my last post here are some tips to help you stop playing the Blame Game.

First, write down what is going on, not just superficially, but at a deeper level: write out the history, background, context and situation. Write out only facts and avoid making emotional statements. What stops you? What has power over you? If it helps, write everything in the third person as if you are watching the situation on TV.

Once you’ve written that all out, ask yourself what the situation described is trying to achieve. Note this down.

Finally, take specific notice of the relationships within the situation. What is going on between the players? Write these observations down as well.

Now that we’ve done the research, we can shift our attention to make the change and get better results. We do this essentially by asking two questions;

First, ask yourself what do you want instead? Write down this answer.

Second, ask what changes do you need to make to achieve this result? Write this down as well.

If you don’t know how to answer step two, The Butterfly Life Transformation Program will help you. It will also help you in many other aspects of your life.

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Playing the blame game.

March 11, 2008

Have you ever heard yourself make a statement like:

It’s not my fault I’m fat…
… I have big bones.
… It’s genetic.
… I’m addicted to food.
… I can’t stop eating.
… I’m out of control.
… I’ve tried everything and nothing works.
… I don’t have the time.
… I’m too stressed.
… I have to focus more on my job, my family, my whatever.
… I’ve got an injury.
… I have a chemical imbalance.
… I’ve got an emotional, psychological, physical disorder.
… I’m having an emotional time.
… My partner left me.
… My cat died.
… It’s a bad hair day.
–Insert your favorite excuse here–

Unfortunately, the more you blame someone or something the less ability to respond you have. And what they really means is as long as you keep blaming others (or even yourself) you’ll fail to lose weight.

You can lose the weight you want. You can have the body you desire. You just have to stop blaming others and take action now.

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